Would you donate your surplus embryos to stem cell research?

Several years ago, when my son was an infant, I befriended another mother in my neighborhood. We had sons the same age, were both stay at home moms at the time, and both wanted an adult along for the ride as we pushed our babies in strollers through the park. We became friends quickly, in part because we had a lot in common. Except, interestingly, how we brought our children into the world.

My friend tried to get pregnant for a few years, even turning to acupuncture, Chinese herbs, and other non-medical ways to make it easier to conceive. When she didn't, she turned to IVF. I've heard her recount her short but intense IVF treatment cycle many times. It wasn't easy physically, emotionally, or financially. But it worked, and as we walked, we often talked about what comes after you have a baby through fertility treatment.

We talked about whether her insurance coverage would afford her the opportunity to have a second child (which it eventually did) and whether it was worth it to go through the rollercoaster ride of shots and hopes and scares again (which, she decided, it was). We also talked about the left over embryos.

When you have a baby without fertility treatment, surplus embryos don't have to be considered. And so I imagine many of us who have had babies that way never do think about it. But as I walked with my friend, I quietly considered what she was pondering out loud: What could she and what would she do with the embryos she and her husband wouldn't be using?

She wanted to donate them to science rather than pay thousands of dollars to store them or discard them completely. As a researcher herself and a believer in the possibilities of stem cell research, she said she'd feel proud to know she could contribute to scientific advancements in some small way.

The thing is, the prestigious university hospital in our city where she had her IVF and where her surplus embryos were being stored while she made her decision about what to do with them next, had funding that stipulated it could not facilitate embryonic donations for research.

My friend was shocked and saddened and left to make a decision with choices that felt uncomfortable. As her friend, I felt for her. As an activist, I was angry along with her. And as a mother, I was admittedly a little relieved I didn't have to make that choice myself.

As it turned out, my friend didn't have to made the decision to discard or spend a lot of money to store surplus embryos. It took all the remaining embryos they had to have a second child. Life or circumstance or luck or whatever it was took that tough choice out of their hands and replaced it with relief and a baby girl.

Still, I wonder how many other couples who have wanted to donate their leftover embryos and have not been able to do that have made their decisions. And as stem cell research opens up in the Obama administration, I wonder how those choices will change.

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